NurseSheGirl

What did I do in some other life
To earn this kind of endless strife?
Whose heart did I abandon there
To wake up owing this despair?

Did I once leave someone in the cold,
Break every promise that I told?
Did someone wait the way I do,
Watching, waiting, starting new?

Because surely pain this fucking deep
Must be a debt my soul should keep.
There must be something I have done
To deserve losing everyone.

I search my past for some mistake,
Some explanation for this ache.
Some reason love keeps finding me,
Then turning into misery.

I would’ve stayed. I would’ve tried.
I would’ve stood there by your side.
But love can’t force a heart to stay,
And mine can’t make you turn my way.

So now each morning starts the same,
I wake and almost say your name.
I check the silence, hoping still,
Then feel that same familiar chill.

And maybe there’s no debt at all,
No ancient crime behind this fall.
Maybe hearts can simply break
Without a reason for the ache.

Maybe loving wasn’t my offense.
Maybe none of this is consequence.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to pay,
Maybe someone simply walked away.

And maybe someday I will see
This wasn’t something done to me
By gods, by fate, by lives before,
Just love that couldn’t become more.

But tonight I don’t feel wise or strong.
Tonight I only know you’re gone.
And while I learn to let you be,
I’m learning not to punish me.

Because I didn’t earn this pain.
I simply loved you once again.
And if that’s all that I have done,
Then there’s no sentence to outrun.

So I’ll survive another night,
Even when nothing feels all right.
And someday I may finally see:
This isn’t punishment for me.